Well, at least they are boxers and not briefs, I've got that going for me. I tell you, I didn't know until yesterday, but I should have been more suspicious. After all, what do you expect when you buy a pair of boxers for a buck? My first purchase was nearly a year ago in Bangkok. My friend recommended the Bang Kapi Mall and I found the deals to be pretty amazing. But when I got to the table of boxers, I was even more amazed.
They were priced at three for 100 baht, which amounted to a measly $1.10 per pair. It was nice because they had a variety of colors and brands. This one table alone had more variety than I'd seen anywhere in Vietnam. Hmmm you say, and you didn't figure it out? I just assumed they were putting old fabric to good use and slapping random labels on them. I should have wondered why some of the elastic waistbands felt a little less than elastic.
I also should have probably wondered why some of them had the odd stain, but like I said, I thought the material came from old spools of unused fabric! I can make myself believe anything. Anyway, they were a nice change from the usual fake Calvin Klein boxers that I've seen nearly everywhere I've been in Southeast Asia. And they were more comfortable. Worn in I guess - makes sense now. I wonder if my friend knew, but didn't tell me? Or maybe he told me, but I didn't listen.
I was back in Bangkok in late January of this year and I came across another vendor in Siam Square selling the same boxers. Well, not the same, but the same price with the random assortment of cool looking boxers. And I was in need so I got a few more. And it was hard to stop at just three, but I really didn't need a dozen pairs just backpacking my way throughout Southeast Asia. Although it did cross my mind.
A couple crotch splits later, one in the aforementioned secondhand variety and one pair of Calvins, I found myself doing my laundry too often. And so was keeping my eyes peeled for some cheap boxers. Strolling through Phnom Penh's Central Market yesterday, I found myself looking at vintage button-ups and singlets, otherwise known as tank tops in my neck of the woods. And lo and behold, I saw something some different styles!
Again, I should have realized they were used as I was shopping in the secondhand clothing area, but it still didn't dawn on me. Certainly those tables of bras and panties couldn't all be secondhand, could they? Everything was laid out so nice how was one to know? She showed me the all-too-familiar stack of multi-colored boxers and I thought I was in heaven for a second. She said they were $1.50 each. $1.50? That's outrageous!
I was like come on, I'll pay you $1.25, but that's it! Not a cent or a riel more. And then I noticed a stain on one pair and an ingrown dingleberry on another and I finally started to do the math. Wait a minute here. Are these secondhand? She nodded yes and began to put them neatly away. Meanwhile, my life began to flash before me. Whaaaaat? Yes, I've been wearing someone else's underwear for nearly a year and I've loved every moment of it. I mean, not because they were used, but because they were different.
Well, I'm not about to throw any of them away. They have been washed multiple times at this point and they're more mine at this point than they could have been anyone else's. At least that's what I tell myself. However, it's still a little disturbing to wonder whose hairy beanbag was rolling around in them before mine. Aaack, that's the first time I've even thought that. I won't buy that variety again, I don't think. I bought a couple of the old Calvins today. Well, old in the sense that I used to wear them. They were new, they still had thread dangling here and there. Nobody likes a bad sew job, but you can't complain much for two dollars a pop.
So here I sit, just sweating into these used boxers not even giving a shit. Somebody could have crapped themselves in them for all I know. Peed their pants. Ejaculated all over them. Rubbed their herpes all over the place. There could be dead skin cells still all stuck up in there. Shaven pubic hairs stuck in the tightly woven fabric. But whatever, clearly there is a market for secondhand boxers. I'm just not in it anymore. I'll spooge, er splurge the extra dollar for something new.
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