I find facebook most useful these days for a quick glimpse into someone's life and to have all my news sources in one place. I can quickly scan my news feed for a posting from a friend or some page I have liked and get briefed on something that interests me without having to hunt it down on my own. There is a mountain of shit on facebook as well, but fortunately we can hide people from our news feed and quickly scroll through the nonsense that other people post. However, we all know that one man's trash is another man's treasure so I accept it and don't let it get to me, on a good day.
Usually, I try not to hide anyone just in case I miss the post of the year and also so I don't feel like a total dick, but occasionally someone is clogging the drain and needs to be purged. For whatever reason, only some people seem to appear in my news feed, which limits my daily exposure to the amount of feces that is on fecesbook. I'm sure I could change my settings, but I won't. I don't need to see every post from every friend anyway.
Before I get off track, here is a quick list of the top 10 annoying habits of people using Facebook, listed in no particular order because I don't want to think about it that much. The fact that I'm writing about it and finding pictures on Google images to accompany each annoying habit is time consuming enough. Ideally, I would use screen shots as personal examples for this list, but I'm not that on the ball and I don't really want to offend anyone. Ok, here we go!
1. Posting a daily selfie
First of all, I hate the word selfie, but I don't want to sound outdated using the terribly long drawn out self-portrait. What is it with these people who need to post a picture of themselves every single day? Did you change overnight? Oh, I see, different shirt, different angle, different room. Maybe some more or less facial hair, a new hairdo, a new zit, a grin or a frown. And of course, you gotta show the iPhone. Look at me! C'mon people, one of these per week, max. I'd rather see what you are eating for lunch.
2. Liking your own post
This goes not only for liking your own status, but for liking your own photo, video, comment, et al. I can accept the occasional like for a very witty status update or for an amazing photo you happened to capture, but some people who are so enamored with what they post it's just plain ridiculous. And liking your comments? That's beyond absurdity. And liking every comment someone makes on your status? That's just plain stupid. It's like you're thanking them purely for acknowledging your existence.
3. Taking pictures of your money
This one seems pretty obvious. It's like posting pictures of shit you don't have or people you'll never be. Lamborghinis, the next generation iPhone, America's next top model. You're a materialistic dick. It's one thing to post a picture of a currency you've never seen before while you are traveling in that country because it's interesting. But posting pictures of stacks of cash or bars of gold that's in your safe, under your floorboards or hidden in your mattress is just sick. I'll still be friends with you, but only so I can figure out two things a) where you hide that money and b) your address.
4. Constantly sending game requests
Game requests. Really? I think sending out a game request to all of my friends is a good idea. C'mon, use your noggin. You are just not thinking. I do my best to ignore these notifications and hide the app or block the individual, but really I can't help but envision this sad sack of shit playing Mafia Wars or Farmville or whatever the fuck it's called. Pathetic.
5. Not having any of your own pictures
Want to remain anonymous? Fine, I get it, but why are you my friend? So you can lurk in the shadows and spy on everyone else, but not allow anyone the same privilege? That's plain weird. Maybe you have the standard silhouette or perhaps you use your favorite cartoon character or some generic scene stolen from your Windows wallpaper folder. This is even more annoying when the person is also employing the use of annoying habit #6. Who the fuck is this person!? This is solid grounds for an unfriending.
6. Using a username that is NOT your name
This is not so bothersome if the individual is using an easily identifiable profile picture. I think facebook has cracked down on people opting for ridiculously sounding names, which is nice. But over here in Asia, people somehow still seem to get away with it. Just use your real name! A clever pseudonym works if it's actually clever, but that's usually not the case. This is particularly annoying when the person has a silly name with an unidentifiable profile picture. "Manya Troublesome likes your photo." Ok, who the fuck is that? And out of curiosity you click on her profile picture - or is it a he? - and scroll through of all them only to realize you still don't know.
7. Posting an irrelevant or longwinded comment
You know these people. You post a status and they come on there with something completely out of the blue, totally unrelated to the original post. Dude, send a private message! No need to ruin someone's thread just to say what's up. The same goes for those individuals who post longwinded comments never fully getting to the point or diverging from the original topic. You respond in kind and they immediately fire back showing their expertise on the matter. Eventually you just shut up because it's the only way they will.
8. Duckface
If only all duckface pictures were as cute as this. Unfortunately, they are not. I don't think I am being ridiculous in stating that they are offensive and possibly even induce vomiting. Perhaps even contribute to making this world an even angrier place. It's one thing if you know how hideous you look and you're doing it for a laugh. But to do it thinking it's hip and that you actually look good, well, you're in for a surprise. That being said, you might get away with it just for being hot, but hotness is subjective and it's just not worth damaging your reputation.
9. Posting your amateur "modeling" pics
I don't really know anyone in the West who does this. Perhaps because I don't have any teenage friends. Anyway, this seems to be the trend in Asia, particularly amongst the younger ladies in Vietnam. Everyone wants to be a model. Everyone often thinks they can be a model too. Having a friend with a camera and access to a studio warrants a photography session and subsequently uploading those pictures for the general public to see and ideally, like. To flatter yourself. I find these pictures to be laughable more often than not. It's akin to that guy on facebook who only uploads shirtless pics.
10. Tagging people in a picture to generate likes
Everyone has gotten a notification that they've been tagged in a picture and clicked on it only to find a picture of a "friend" who is trying to look cool and clearly fishing for likes. Fishing for likes should be illegal. If it's not a picture of a person then it's a picture from someone's holiday or a handbag, a dress or a pair of shoes. Glad you have converted your facebook page into a business. It's not a big deal to hide your post from my timeline, but if you are a repeat offender, you will be notified. Please, only tag me if it's me or if it's something I absolutely must know about. Gee, thanks.
