Meditation

I am about to take part in my first meditation course. It's a 10-day course at a monastery in the Kathmandu valley. I am excited to take part and feel like meditation is something I need to incorporate into my daily life, but something I have been unable up to now to do on my own. I have tried to register for a course many times and for some reason have been rejected or have been unable to attend for one reason or another. It's almost as if the Universe is telling me to stop wasting my time, but I persevere.

Originally, I was only aware of Vipassana meditation courses. They had been beneficial to a friend and a friend of a friend and that was enough proof for me to want to give it a try myself. I need to learn how to quiet my mind and learn how to focus - not just on women. Maybe one woman? Maybe a direction? Maybe a passion? I at least need to learn how to tell my mind to shut the fuck up on occasion. That would be nice. I'm a very noise sensitive individual, both externally and internally.

I first applied last year for a course in Thailand. It was perfect, it coincided with my Lunar New Year holiday and thus, I wouldn't have to take off much additional time. However, I got an email saying the course was full even though the website said it was still open. Knowing that the courses are run on a voluntary donation basis, I wasn't too surprised that somebody wasn't keeping the site updated. I applied again to a different center in Thailand, but again I received an email, this time saying the course was Thai speaking only. Of course there was no mention of this on the website. I decided at the time it just wasn't meant to be.

More recently, I applied for a Tibetan Buddhism meditation course in Nepal in early April. As my bus was heading to Kathmandu the day before the course was to begin, it crashed into a bicyclist and rolled and again, I was unable to make it. My back and my mind were in no condition to partake in such activities. So as my back healed, I decided to look into other Vipassana courses in Nepal, India and Thailand. I hoped that I could apply and get accepted into one of them before I head back to the states this summer. I at least wanted to try it and not keep wondering.

So, I decided on a course in Kanchanaburi, Thailand at the end of May. What happened? You guessed it, the course was full, despite the website saying otherwise. Getting a little annoyed, I responded to the email to which they replied saying there were two courses at that center which were open in both April and early May. But the website said they were full! I was beginning to lose my patience. I then applied for a course in Pokhara, Nepal that was to begin not long after I was to return from a 10-day trek in the nearby mountains. No surprise here, but I was told there were no seats available. What the fuck!?

About the same time I applied to the Pokhara center, I also applied to a course at another center in Thailand for a date later in May as to ensure I got acceptance to at least one course. But about the same time I received the Pokhara rejection, I also got a rejection from the Thailand center. Bullshit! I wasn't sure if I was filling in something wrong on my application - certainly not all applicants have the same results as I do when applying for a course.

I was quite interested in taking a Vipassana meditation course, but now I say fuck 'em. Should I really keep trying? I thought not. So I applied again to Kopan Monastery just outside of Kathmandu and immediately received confirmation of my booking. They at least seemed on the ball. I really hope nothing prevents my entry into the upcoming course, but if so, I will have to conclude that meditation is either not for me or that I have to learn it on my own. I'll keep you posted.