Too many choices!

The best oatmeal cookies this side of the Mississippi.

I'm feeling a little bit anxious, thus the need to write. And consume. I was only going to eat a few of these oatmeal cookies, recently purchased from the 7/11 around the corner. I was going to throw the rest of them, like frisbees, into the night air, but temptation got the best of me. The first one was so good and the rest of them quickly followed. After each cookie there was some irritation in my throat, which could have only been relieved by a little more oatmeal. It's best for me to stay away from this kind of thing as it really provides little benefit other than to help soothe my anxiety. I'd have to consume a hundred bags of these if I wanted the amount of oatmeal needed to assist in the formation of a proper deuce.

This is my last night in Bangkok for a while. It's good to be moving on, going somewhere new, but I'm comfortable damn it! That's the best time to stir things up. I'm going to miss the ladies at the fly-friendly restaurant under the Pranee Building who have been serving up cheap and delicious fare for me twice a day the past couple of days. I'm going to miss that bowl of chilies and ground up peanuts. I'm going to miss the guy serving up sliced fruit at the end of Soi Kasem San 1. And the drunk homeless guy who manages to ask for change without really bothering me. I like his technique.

I almost feel like I live here. I've been in Bangkok now on four different occasions over the past couple of months and stayed at the White Lodge three times now. I'll almost miss the feminine dude who always refuses my request for a discount. I'll miss the boiled peanuts, the coconuts, the air-conditioned Sky Train, walking through MBK for lack of anything else to do and I'll miss walking by the table of cheap secondhand boxers on my occasional evening stroll through Siam Square.

I think I've been to Thailand six times now and I've really only scratched the surface. I'd like to take a month trip around Isan, the northeastern region of Thailand, in search of the best flied lice. Renting bicycles and consuming time until it's time to eat again. Talking to tuk tuk drivers and hookers and regular people too. Oh wait, they are regular people. Learning more of this language. I love learning languages, I just wish I was more proficient at doing so. 

There are too many choices in this life we lead. Well, not for everybody. I can't sit still and live behind a white picket fence, climbing the corporate ladder, taking the dog for an evening stroll and pretending like I don't notice the neighbor across the street while I'm watering the lawn. I can live here or there or anywhere and that is part of the problem because I want to live everywhere. I don't want to uproot myself every time I get comfortable, just when the itch gets too unbearable not to scratch.

I think I could live in Bangkok. Why not give it a try? But having just spent six nights in the countryside breathing fresh air, swimming in rivers, riding bicycles and enjoying the good life, why not there? I also know I'd like to try Cambodia. Siem Reap or Phnom Penh would do. And shit, Laos is the most beautiful country I've ever visited. I think I could find something there if I looked. And well, Vietnam is always a fallback. I've always said I'd love to live in Sapa, in the far north of Vietnam. My heart just feels good there. Why did I never give that a try? Or Indonesia...

I hate making decisions! I used to wish I lived in a communist country so I had my life's work chosen for me. Just tell me what to do. That way I wouldn't have to always wonder if I was making the right choice. And then I lived in Vietnam and well, that didn't help. But nobody was really forcing me to do anything. Just grin and bear it. And sometimes I could and sometimes I couldn't, which leaves me here, now. Still going and still unsure about tomorrow. But that's life I suppose. We're all in the same boat I guess, but some of us are in shackles and rowing the fucking thing and some of us are at the helm...even if we don't really know where we want to go.