India day 1

I arrived! Started getting anxious yesterday about really traveling for a change. Do I really want to do this? Yes, I do. Just breathe through those moments of anxiety. This too shall pass. Blah blah blah. I got to Suvarnabhumi airport this morning in plenty of time, but needed it to stand in Air Asia's ridiculously long lines even after web check-in. And then there were lines going through customs and security. Finally, once through all of that, I could relax for a few moments and catch a glimpse of who else was traveling to Kolkata (Calcutta) this lovely morning.

Mostly Indians. Surprise, surprise, but actually I was a little surprised. I was expecting to see a fair few backpackers with their overgrown hair and 'same same' singlets wanting THE INDIA EXPERIENCE. Dude, let me tell you about this time I was in INDIA... whoa! Forgive me if I ever do that. I am so much better than you because I have been to India. I spent six months there and spent ten dollars a day! The food was amazing and I never got sick. And I was in a Bollywood film!

Anyway, my flight went smoothly and it was just a few snoozes away. Everything is closer when you're not based in the USA. What once seemed so distant is actually quite close. There were a lot of men on the plane. Macho macho men. I sat in seat 23C. Dude two seats to my left was snoring before we even took off. Nobody on the plane seems that friendly. I hate staring contests. What the fAck you are looking at? Eventually the guy to my left asked if I could switch with his friend in 8C. Do you really miss him that much?

That pissed me off. I-n-c-o-n-v-e-n-i-e-n-c-e. Can you spell it? Move from my aisle seat with more leg room to a window seat. Check if there was overhead cabin space for my backpack and then ask if this guy wanted to eat his fried rice with his buddies who had already missed holding his hand. He smiled gratefully and the two inconvenienced guys on his left managed to stand up and let him out and me in. Once all was said and done, it was all good, but I never pull shit like that. And I don't expect it from others.

The Kolkata airport is not big. I was surprised by this. I got through customs, reclaimed my backpack and there I was at the exit. It was hard to tell who worked there and who were passengers. And I didn't see an information desk. I needed to change money so I went to the ONE money changer. It was not a good rate and they charged a commission. Eventually I gave in, lost the equivalent of eight dollars in the transaction, prepaid for a taxi and went outside, expecting to smell shit immediately, but didn't and was herded to the ancient yellow taxi not far from the exit door.

Wow, that was easy. It was indeed easy in retrospect, but at the time, it was a pain in the ass. I didn't want to change my money at that rate, but had no other choice. Nobody seemed to want to help. I thought they spoke English here. Well, they do, but certainly not everyone and it ain't that easy to understand. Breathe Tyler! Sitting in that taxi was like a step back in time. I sat on the edge for the duration looking out the windows taking it all in and wondering where I'd end up.

The answer, eventually, was the Pioneer Hotel for 600 rupees a night. That's US$12 and not a steal, but a great deal better than the shitholes I was presented by the relentless touts trying to get a tip or a cut of the hotel rate. FAck you buddy, you ain't getting a tip. The fan seems to work well, the bathroom towel reeks of bleach, but the room is cheerful and airy and the staff are reasonably friendly. Has a better vibe than the other dozen places I saw. And well, I tired of looking!

Kolkata, or at least the area I'm in near The Esplanade, doesn't seem that big. I don't even know what tourists do here. So, I walked around, had more staring contests and tried to laugh them off. Ignored a lot of people and tried to get a smile out of others. Saw a crow munching on dead rat in the gutter, saw dudes taking a piss at the public urinals on the street, saw a lot of poor people, saw a little girl who lost her mom and I wanted to be that guy who stood by her side in that brief moment of desperation.

I watched in awe at the human rickshaws and dodged tuk tuks and taxis. I wanted to try a lot of street food, but didn't. I followed a guy into his shop even though I knew he'd want me to buy something. He refused to believe he was shorter than me even though I was clearly looking down at him. I asked him how tall he was. I don't know, he shrugged and still managed to elude defeat. It was all nonsense and somehow I felt like they were trying to distract their opponent so they could take one of his kidneys.

Eventually I just got up and walked out without saying goodbye thinking what the fuck was that while checking my pockets and vital organs. I think I walked around a lot because I am tired. My feet hurt and so do my eyes. Not from visual stimulation although there is definitely a lot of that. Something is in the air. I also managed to eat some delicious food as I was expecting. The Blue Sky Cafe did not disappoint with an amazing channa masala for lunch and a vegetable masala for dinner. The naan was perfect, the service was outstanding and the price was ridiculous.

It wasn't as absurd as some of the prices I saw on the street, but I decided to save the diarrhea for another day. I will try some of that shit, but sometimes I just want the luxury of sitting down inside on a real chair and get served. I don't want anyone pouring my 7UP into my glass or pushing in my chair, but having to choose from a menu is nice on occasion despite having too many options. It's also nice to step away from the reality that lies just outside the door, to pretend it doesn't exist, if only for the time it takes to consume your meal.

Well, I made it through the day without the need for a Kingfisher. I thought for sure it was one of those days, but I think I overdosed on masala instead. I'll be farting myself to sleep shortly. In the meantime, I hope the d-bags out by reception stop the occasional bantering otherwise I'll be disgruntled in the morning. I'm prepared for that. I keep saying that, I'm really trying to convince myself, but I know this is going to be a test of patience. And I really hope I pass the test. BRING IT ON.