F**k you Bangkok!

This wifi ain't free.

I gotta get this out. My mascara is running all over the place. All I want is some free wifi or at least a cheap connection. And Bangkok, you have let me down. I’m in the midst of changing rooms at my mosquito infested “hotel” and I thought I’d go out, drink a small overpriced coffee and write a bit, upload some pics and book some plane tickets. But it wasn’t meant to be. Cause I don’t wanna spend the money.

Fuck, after free wifi throughout Vietnam and Cambodia, what do I expect? I got speedy wifi in my room for $6 in Siem Reap. Now I can’t even find a cafe with a free serving of wifi with my small americano. Yeah, I’d order the brownie too, but you just don’t understand. My metabolism is at the lowest it’s ever been and if I eat that – and believe me, I really want to – I will have to forgo lunch and I’ve already skipped breakfast.

I walked over to Siam Square this morning to get a small coffee – I would get a medium or a large or whatever, but a small has enough caffeine to fuck up my sensibilities. I first went to True Coffee and the girl behind the counter said it was 25B for an hour of wifi. 25B is roughly a dollar. I have to pay an extra dollar in addition to my 60B coffee and supply my own computer? Well, it looks like others don’t have a problem with it, but I do. I figure I can find an internet cafe, which generally comes with an enormous flat screen these days, for a dollar an hour. I didn’t stay.

After walking around for a while and getting all hot and bothered, I realized it was either no wifi or pay for wifi. So I went back to True Coffee and decided to pay for an hour even though I have enough shit to do to be online for three. Small coffee 60B and one hour of wifi 75B! What!? $2.50 for a fucking hour? I thought she had said 25B, which I balked at, but she really said 75B. Now that was ridiculous. Embarrassed, I walked out for the second time.

Feeling like a cheap motherfucking bastard, but hiding behind my shades, I continued on with my lips quivering in disgust. Or was it shame? I walked through a few malls looking for the hidden cafe providing the free wifi that I figured I would eventually find. It was like looking for the fountain of youth. There ain’t no free fucking wifi in Bangkok. At least not that I could find after searching for an hour. I went to Starbucks as a last resort. Tack an extra dollar on the price of the coffee because it's Starbucks and how much is the wifi?

150B for two hours! WHAT THE FUCK!? Starbucks, this just confirms why I hate you. $3 for a small coffee is already too much yet reasonable for the comfortable, air-conditioned environment they provide. But charging five more dollars for wifi is outrageous. Apparently not to others as they sit there sipping their mocha-frappafuckingchino, legs daintily crossed, Macbook Air open whilst scrolling through the pics on their Iphone. Eat a dick.

You know, I could afford all that shit too. I’m not a poor bastard. I was born lucky. Not with a silver spoon in my mouth, but it was stainless steel and it wasn’t secondhand. Well, it might have been, but still, the point is, well, I’m not really sure. Where was I? All I know is that work doesn’t come easy to me. It hurts to make a living. Takes the life out of me. Every fucking dollar I have has caused me some anguish to make and I refuse to spend it foolishly.

I’m sure I’m just jealous. I wish I could handle sitting at a desk all day breathing stale office air, infiltrating my retinas with fluorescent light and then still have enough energy after work to hit the gym, meet my friends for drinks and get enough quality sleep to walk in the office the next day happy and cheerful without the need for some stimulant to keep me going til the weekend. Fuck that life. I’ve tried it and I refuse.

And knowing how poor a lot of people are in this neck of the woods, it’s even more unacceptable to me. People, A LOT OF FUCKING PEOPLE, are struggling to make A DOLLAR A DAY. One dollar! And here we are spending five dollars a day at Starbucks for some shit that’s giving us a short-term high and long-term diabetes and obesity. Shit’s true. Keep doing it and find out for yourself. But it won’t happen to me. Might not. So go have another. You deserve it, you had a hard day. You bumped your head while getting out of your Mercedes and got a mosquito bite.

We can’t individually save the world, but we can make a difference. It’s easy to ignore the majority of the world and say it’s just the luck of the draw. Easier still when you can’t see them. Who? We need the poor people to make all the cheap shit that we buy. Fact. There’s always going to be disparity, haves vs have nots. Oppressors vs oppressed. Gotta keep ‘em down to stay up. Fucked up it truly is. I’m going to go jump off a bridge.

Disclaimer: I am not and never have been suicidal so don’t even ask me about it. Instead, eat a dick.