I can't believe I've been back for a month. Almost. My recent travels seem like a blur. A month ago I was exiting customs at the San Francisco International Airport and stepped out to see unfamiliar faces. My plane arrived an hour early. I forgot to resend my itinerary and confirm who would meet me at the airport, but I hoped for the best. Shortly thereafter, I looked up and found my Dad wandering into the arrivals hall unaware that I was already there. Almost like I had never even gone anywhere. Almost.
And here I sit at Royal Ground Coffee at 17th and Geary in the Richmond District, reliving old memories. Not really, I have a bad memory. At least the weather is nice. It's like October has come early. A sunny day in San Francisco during the summer? What!? It's true, there is no fog to be seen anywhere, not yet anyway. It will be cold later to be sure, just like last night, walking home from the bar, slightly shivering and having to pee, making it that much worse.
Back in America and I am craving a donut. A chocolate old-fashioned, please. How much more American can you get? I need to have one every couple of years. And tonight, going to a baseball game and watch some pre-fourth of July fireworks. Now that's American. I'll skip the hot dog, substitute a burrito and eat a bag of peanuts. Sit in the bleachers, root for the home team and hope nobody pukes on my back. That happened to my Mom many years ago. Good memories!
It is so quiet here in America. No honking. In Truckee, I couldn't hear anything at night. The house is so well-insulated and away from anybody else it's hard not to get a good night's sleep. Unless I drink a beer and then my sleep is interrupted. In Montana, all I could hear was the train and my heart beating. Weird. And in San Francisco, the occasional bus or one of my nephews whispering to see if I'm still asleep. I am, I feign, in the hope of just one more hour of relative silence.
We wrestle. WWF style. Well, not really, but almost. Cheating is guaranteed, but I guess we never really set the rules. My nephews pull my hair, poke my butt, gouge my eyes, tweak my ears, kick my crotch, scratch my face, pick my nose, yank my clothes and wipe their dirty hands over my lips as they try to grab anywhere they can. It's only fair I suppose considering my size advantage. I try to set some rules in the process, body slam them, pull their baby toe, tickle them and avoid kicks to the face and groin as much as possible.
It's good to be back. My visit was definitely overdue. But I feel strange. Awkward in America. I feel like I don't belong here anymore. And I realize as I did long ago, I don't have to do this. I don't want to do it. I know it doesn't have to be this hard. This feels hard. And unnecessary. And if I did it, I'd feel trapped and want to escape. So, I'm not going to do it, whatever that is exactly and just keep on keeping on. I'm living, maybe not the way I'm supposed to or the way people want me to, but it works for me. I'm grateful for what I have and where I am now, but I don't want this forever. Just saying.
I understand.
ReplyDeleteI dread going back home. I wish I never had to, but life will require it eventually. I dread having to re-enter Australian corporate life again one day, but it's the only way I could earn enough money to live the way I like. Maybe I'll get lucky and be able to spend the remainder of my days in Saigon. But I doubt it.
What? You're not making enough in Vn to retire? Well, you are a big spender. Maybe you'll end up at one of the bigger international schools making bigger dong. Or doing more with photography. How often do you make it home?
ReplyDeleteEvery time the bank account stretches and yawns, air escapes & it shrinks again. Big spender? Maybe. I do live comfortably, eat well & stay in nice places when I travel. It is, however, time to get frugal. I've moved into an apartment owned by my girl's family as a start. A really nice place at a very good price. I'm cooking at home. (Although supermarket shopping is ridiculously expensive here - I might have to eat rice with vegetables every day). I now have a huge TV & surround sound, so I shouldn't need to spend any more for a few years. I'm looking for a better school, but the pay here is very good.
ReplyDeleteNot much money in photography, so forget that. I've been home once. Next trip will probably be next year.
Well, big spender relative to me. I don't live too extravagantly aside from the 6-month vacation or recent Mac purchase. Good to hear you are putting a bit aside now. How is grocery shopping expensive in Vn? What are you buying?
ReplyDeleteWell, I buy what I would buy back home. Bread, meat, vegetables, fruit, milk, oil, rice etc. Perhaps some beer and red wine. The prices just don't seem much cheaper than back home. My weekly bill would sit around $100 I suppose. I should go back to eating bot chien every night at 10pm like I used to when I was at VUS.
ReplyDeleteEat less Western food! If you ate rice, vegetables and tofu like me, it'd be super cheap. And eat at a local establishment once a day. I usually got a delish lunch for 20-30k. I rarely drank at home cause the beer was essentially the same price on the street or slightly more at a bar. I'd pay a wee premium to people watch or have company while I drank. It's nice to splurge once in a while, but I prefer to save money as long as I'm still eating well.
ReplyDelete