Chitwan National Park

No visit to a new country is complete without a visit to the most popular national park, right? Well, probably not. I decided to do it anyway. Chitwan is located somewhere in the south of Nepal, I can't remember exactly. If you ever come to Nepal, you'll see the name at every travel agency. It's a fairly large park and it's home to the Bengal Tiger and the one-horned rhinoceros amongst others. I think there might be only one tiger, but somehow you feel that you're going to be the lucky one to see it.

I booked a tour mainly because it was cheap and I didn't have to do anything. Sometimes that is nice. I also didn't have much time and it fit nicely in between trekking and my next adventure. I also decided on a tour because it would enable me to meet other people. Just showing up at some random hotel on the outskirts of a national park doesn't guarantee you will meet anyone.

So, I booked the day before in Pokhara, Nepal's second largest and perhaps most fun city. It was US$70 for a 3 day, 2 night tour, which included transport from Pokhara, pick up at the bus station, two nights at a hotel in Sauraha (the city immediately outside the park), all activities and all meals, transport to the bus station on the third and final day and onward bus ticket to Kathmandu. It was cheap and way easier than thinking what to do on my own.

It took about five hours to get there. Two of us were picked up at the bus station and bought to Rainbow Safari Resort in Sauraha. The accommodation inside the park was quite expensive and no where near affordable for a budget traveler. Once at the 'resort' we were greeted and seated and indulged in our welcome drink, a wee splash of Coke. It hit the spot, but I could have used another sip. You can't have everything. Eventually, the bus from Kathmandu arrived and there were three more in our group.

The five consisted of myself, an older guy from Finland, an older lady from Japan, a younger lady from Japan and a younger girl from Australia. The guy had recently failed in an attempt to summit Mount Everest as he experienced a minor stroke at high elevations. The older Japanese woman was visiting Nepal prior to visiting her daughter who was apparently working in India. The younger Japanese girl was on a whirlwind six month trip around the world, with what seemed like a new country every couple of weeks. The young Australian girl was friendly, but a little annoying.

We started our tour later that afternoon with a trip to the local village, which was practically around the corner. Then walked through an area with a lot of elephants, admired their tusks and proceeded through a grassy area on the outskirts of the park to the museum. It was a small museum and gave some details about the park and the animals within. I like small museums, especially those with over half the reading in a language I can't understand.

From there, we went to the river and watched the sunset and then returned to the resort, which hardly felt like a resort, especially being filled only to about 20% capacity. We ate dinner together, which was nice even if we weren't a happy family. Dinner was mostly Western fare and similar to the lunch, but with a different soup and entree to go along with the same sides. More french fries, more coleslaw and more cold vegetables. It was alright.

That night we went to a dance performance of the local Tharu people. I don't think anyone actually dances like that or has in the past couple hundred years, but it was interesting for the first fifteen minutes. Unfortunately there were no children or females involved in the performance and it was well touristy with over a hundred folks jammed in a mini-theater. Post performance, we hopped in the back of the truck, made a pit stop for dessert and headed back to Rainbow.

We were now accompanied by four new guests, three of which had began their tour the day before. One girl from Germany, one from Italy and one from England, all of whom were volunteering in a hospital outside Kathmandu. They gave us the lowdown on what we were to expect the following morning. The other girl, a cutie, was from China and worked in Hong Kong. She was just there for the night and I didn't have much time to try and entice her into my room.

The first morning we rose at 6am. We assembled for breakfast at 6:30 and had a mediocre breakfast consisting of an omelet, a pancake, fried potatoes and some toast. I ate what I wanted and started to regret not being able to choose my own food. At 7 we departed for our canoe ride down the river. At this point, we were still not actually in the park. We were floating on the river, which was apparently situated on the park border. It wasn't really a canoe, but rather a long boat steered from the rear and only occasionally steered from the front when we got stuck in rocks in the low water.

The boat was rather uncomfortable, but bearable only because we did see a decent array of wildlife. The highlight was the lone rhino making its way across the river as we floated by the other side. I'm glad he/she didn't charge as it would have been chaotic and I would have certainly shit my pants. We also saw numerous birds including storks, egrets, kingfishers and who knows what along with a bunch of crocodiles and a mongoose. We eventually got out of the boat for our ensuing stroll through the jungle.

During the jungle walk we were told to walk quietly and step lightly, which was impossible over dried leaves and twigs. We still managed to stumble upon quite a few deer. Fortunately no tigers as we would have been destroyed. I think the tiger is a very rare sight in the park and they (Nepal, not the tigers) do a good job as to not get your hopes up. Even most of the advertisements, posters and brochures I saw for the park mainly pictured the rhino, which as we found to be the case, was a more likely sight. So props to them for not trying to fool anyone.

After our jungle walk was over we headed to the elephant breeding center. It was starting to feel like we were being herded like cattle as various other groups were emerging from the jungle as we were. We pre-read a little information about the center while our guides got our tickets processed and then we walked through the grounds and saw the mahouts preparing their elephants for a ride to the river. There were various very cute baby elephants in attendance, one of which I saw trying to eat the poo from her mother's ass. Perhaps too young to be taught right from wrong.

Shortly thereafter, we drove to the river and were invited to help bathe the elephants. I decided to hop aboard as I've always been curious about sitting on an elephant and wanted to experience its enormity. I was a bit frightened as we walked down into the river afraid of taking a headlong plunge and subsequently getting stepped on. I held onto the collar and in the river the mahout proceeded to yell commands while the elephant, using her trunk, picked up water and continually sprayed me until I was soaked. I was debriefed prior to the event and was prepared, wearing my board shorts.

It was a unique experience, but I did feel bad for the elephant after about a minute. The mahout was standing behind me trying not to lose his balance as the elephant continually dipped her head into the river and waddled back and forth. Eventually she sat down and I nearly fell off, again fearing the crush and was thankful to soon hop off and scramble back up the bank to watch others getting showered. There were probably nearly ten elephants in the river performing this service for the tourists who paid the mahouts an extra 100 Rs (US$1.25) for the experience.

Post shower we returned for lunch. Same same but different. We had a few hours to kill before the next scheduled item on our itinerary. About 3:30pm we reassembled and headed for our elephant ride in the jungle. I'm not sure if we ever actually stepped foot inside the park. The park is actually quite big, but I wouldn't be surprised if they saved money by not paying the entrance fees and just doing the touristy things in the surrounding area. Regardless, we didn't have enough time to really check out the interior and we saw a decent amount of wildlife anyway.

I had never been on an elephant ride and after the 1.5 hour experience, I can without a doubt say I never want to do it again. I think rides in Thailand are about 30 minutes. We had four of us on a wooden platform, each of us straddling a corner pole to lock us in. There was also a railing at the top to hold onto and to further strengthen the structure. It was not very comfortable and I hated not being in control. I also hated thinking if we slid off to the ground that somebody's legs were going to get broken. Probably some backs as well.

Fortunately, nothing happened and I gave up worrying after a while. Nothing I could do anyway other than relinquish control and try and enjoy the ride. There were probably close to thirty other elephants taking tourists for their jungle walk. We again saw a lot of deer and monkeys. I was quite happy to rise up and get off the elephant as soon as we returned to the elevated loading and unloading platform. Relief! And a return of blood to my legs.

Back at the hotel we had an hour to rest before dinner, where things were yet again predictable. More fries, more coleslaw and more soup. I had to follow it up with a Snickers and a large number of biscuits to make it even remotely satisfying. We were now accompanied by an enormous German guy who had a hard time not talking about his visit to the park two years previous and who found it necessary to show me pictures of his daughter from his first marriage and his current girlfriend. Because I care.

I eventually feigned exhaustion and went to my room knowing I wouldn't be making the 6:30 breakfast and 7am bird watching. We had seen a number of birds that morning and I had no binoculars so I didn't see the point. And besides, the only bird watching I like to do is at a bar or club. Eventually I went down for breakfast at 8 and had some muesli mixed with yogurt and again shook my head at the idea of someone else deciding on what you should eat for breakfast. I went back upstairs, packed my bags and waited for the others.

I found out only one of the group had gone bird watching. It wasn't only me who was tired. At about 9am, we hopped in the truck and headed to the bus station down the bumpy gravel road. Our whirlwind tour of Nepal's most famous national park was over. If I had had more time and a crystal ball, I would have done it on my own, but with the time constraints, it was alright doing it the way it was done. I'm just glad it was only 3 days! Overall experience, all things considered, 2.5 stars.

I found happiness

No need to worry! I'm happy to report, as you might imagine, that I have found happiness. I was inspecting myself in the mirror this morning, noticing the increasingly softer flesh in my midsection when I noticed this mole next to my left breast. I pushed it and like a button changing night into day, my mood shifted. I can't even begin to describe it to you. All I can say is that it's amazing the difference a little happiness makes in your life. I had always heard that happiness comes from within, but I beg to differ. Sometimes, apparently it's on the outside. Staring right at you like a third eyeball.

Ok, to be completely serious - and being serious is not an easy task - I have indeed found happiness. It's not the prolonged kind we all strive for, but temporary happiness will do. It comes in many forms and here is just a sampling of what makes me tick, what gets me going, what makes me feel warm & fuzzy, what turns that frown upside down, what presses the right buttons. Ok, here goes.

I found happiness...

... in a tube of pain relief gel.
... getting off the bus yesterday.
... in clean sheets, a comfortable mattress and perfect pillows.
... in finally taking a solid shit this morning.
... in a hilarious email from a friend.

... in a chocolate croissant.
... smelling the flowers on my table.
... in a simple hello from a stranger.
... taking a hot shower on a cold day.
... and it was fleeting.

... hearing some new music on my way past a shop this morning.
... seeing some birds flying overhead.
... making a witty comment on your Facebook status update.
... upon the application of some lip balm.
... in the bakery display case.

Of course, we all know, these brief little encounters with happiness are not sustainable. You can't keep eating that chocolate croissant forever. You can try, but there will be a saturation point. And likewise, you can't inhale the scent from the flower indefinitely. At some point, the fragrance disappears or the flower eventually dies and smells accordingly.

We all know life has its ups and downs. That happiness comes and goes. There are some that claim to have truly the answer. Good for them. For most of us mere mortals, we take the good with the bad knowing that without the bad we can't have the good. How can we know happiness if we never experience sadness? We've all heard those famous phrases. Happiness is a state of mind. Happiness comes from within. Happiness is loving what you do. I say, it's just a word. Embrace the little things. Perhaps if you notice enough of the small things you'll be happier in the bigger picture.

Now you might be saying, who is this guy to tell me how to achieve happiness? The fucking king of negativity is giving advice on positivity? Yes, indeed. I'm just trying to find a way myself and sharing the path. Sharing is caring and also leads to a greater feeling of happiness. I think I'm going to go camping so I can be a happy camper. Or better idea, go fishing so I can be a happy fisherman. Don't buy the t-shirt. More likely, I'm going to go get another chocolate croissant.

An Irritable Man

I don't know what is wrong with me. Why I can't seem to connect with anyone. Starved for conversation after a few nights alone in a one-horse town in southern Nepal, I came north to Kathmandu hoping to meet some potential trekking partners. I haven't really put myself out there and four days later I'm still starved for conversation despite being surrounded by my fellow tourists. Conversations with travel agents, shop assistants, waiters, kids on the street or my masseuse don't count. They're nice, but not the same as shooting the shit with someone who's also experiencing this place for the first time.

Tonight is Nepali New Year and the streets are busier than normal. I've even seen some attractive Nepali girls. It's amazing what some tight jeans, short shorts or heels will do for a woman...and a man. I was walking back towards my hotel early this evening when I noticed an attractive Asian girl headed in my direction. She looked at me, smiled and said hello and I hello'd back. And I almost instantly turned around and said Hey, wait! She either didn't hear me or pretended to ignore me and as I made a few steps in her direction, I hesitated and then sadly lost my courage.

I hate not knowing. Instead, I rationalized that if it was meant to be, I'd see her wandering the streets later. Of course, I didn't. Instead, I wandered around eating more junk food because it's the only thing that doesn't seem to make my stomach queasy. My diet is way off. I like sweets, but not the degree in which I am consuming them. I started out this morning with a large apple pastry. It was filling, but not fulfilling so I got a chocolate donut to go. I polished that off rather quickly. The best donut I've had since my last trip to America.

Later in the afternoon I got a Mountain Dew. I haven't had one of those in probably twenty years. I'm serious. And later in a cafe, I got an iced cappuccino. First of all, I rarely drink coffee and never have milk in it. This evening for dinner, I went back to one of the many bakeries and got a cinnamon roll. Followed that up with some chocolate ice cream and then got a Cadbury's chocolate bar with roasted almonds and a Yorkie Original. There's something of redeeming value in all of that, isn't there? At least I haven't vomited yet.

And well, the diarrhea medicine seems to be working. No real sessions on the pot since this morning. That's positive news. Although there is something brewing and it's not coffee. I've had stomach issues for about ten days now and I'm literally tired of this shit. It's draining and it's not good for my confidence either. This little bald patch on the back of my head also makes me feel less than 100%. My imagination has anyone doing a double take as I walk past saying Ohhh what the fuck is wrong with him?

I haven't had a beer in two weeks. I could probably use one. The thing is, beer hasn't even sounded good. I've only had one since I arrived in India and it wasn't even a Kingfisher. I still don't even know where you go about buying one in the land of holy cows and holy shits. They're everywhere in Nepal, but until recently I was taking antibiotics and other painkillers, which inhibited their consumption. And now that I can freely imbibe, I just don't feel like one. I feel like a Coke and I never drink that shit. What's going on? Did Marvin Gaye have the answer?

I'm still me, I know that much. I'm still an irritable motherfucker. Still elbowing assholes who don't get out of my way as I'm walking down the street. Told one guy to shove his trekking poles up his ass as I walked away from his shop. At least I'm still polite. I don't think I was rude to anyone else other than some aggressive monkeys who hissed at me at the top of Swayambhunath Temple. They deserved those under-my-breath mutterings as I don't like being startled.

This trip is nearing its end. I can feel it. I don't have any purpose. I don't have anything interesting to say. I even feel like a liar when I tell people I'm an English Teacher. I was an English Teacher. What the fuck am I now? What am I going to do when it's time to start making money again? I have no plan. I have no idea. I keep waiting for a sign and I'm pretty sure it's not going to be that easy. Maybe I'll see an astrologer. A palm reader. A psychic. A wise man. Can any of you tell me what I should be doing so I can start focusing my life? Cause I sure as hell can't figure it out.

On the move again in the morning. When will this all be over? I'm anxious to do some trekking and possibly see Tibet if my back and wallet allow, but I'm also anxious to get back in shape. Health is wealth and I feel poor. I want a little more muscle, a little more definition, a faster metabolism. I feel like my body is moving in slow motion. I feel like I want a routine too. I don't want to be a 9-5 desk jockey, but something more than a bitchy backpacker with the runs would be nice. 

You want some SEX with your massage?

Based on a true story. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Jim had recently arrived in Kathmandu. He easily tired after walking aimlessly through the maze of streets that comprised the main tourist area of the city. His back ached, but not simply from walking. He had been in a bus accident a few days before and now had difficulty sleeping, tying his shoes and putting on his underwear. This little event was slightly depressing, as it potentially compromised his plans to go trekking and do some extended meditation, but he knew it could have been worse and was therefore thankful to be alive.

He wanted to hasten his back's recovery and gave massage some consideration. After all, he kept seeing Ayurvedic Massage painted on virtually every building. It was a sign, literally. One morning he entered what looked to be a small tea shop and went up the stairs in the back to the massage reception. Three ladies presented him with the menu. Upon first glance it seemed a bit expensive for Nepal. It was 2,000 Rupees (US$25) for an hour of hot stone therapy. The girl with what looked to be a glass eyeball said they could do it for 1,000. Jim figured since the listed prices were high, the place was more likely to be a legitimate massage parlor. He said he'd come back later as he wanted to explore the city.

Late that afternoon, he went back. The girl with the glass eyeball and what looked like an Indian girl in Nepali clothing were there. Jim, ever the negotiator, bargained down the price to 900. Still too expensive, he thought, but it was worth it if it helped. He went through the curtain to the back and the Indian girl followed. The first thing he noticed in the small room was a naked guy on the far bed. Fortunately for Jim, the man's leg closest to the door was pulled up, blocking his genitalia. Hmmmm, thought Jim as they closed the curtain. 

Jim got undressed, but as he was only getting the hot stone therapy for his back, he kept his shorts on. She told him to take them off. He did, primarily out of comfort, but kept his boxers on. The girl began by giving him an oil massage. Ok, maybe she's getting my back ready, he thought. But she continued like this for some time. Meanwhile, in the adjacent 'room' there was a discernible squeaking from the table that could be the result of only one thing. Or could she massage that fast with such strength? 

Wondering where the hot stones were and why he was paying more for just a basic oil massage he made an inquiry into the whereabouts of the stones. Apparently they were coming. She massaged a little under his boxers and then onto his buttocks. A little strange, but Jim had experienced this before and was curious where this would lead. Her oily hands made a fast move between his legs and she came close to his ear and whispered You like? Of course he liked it, it was just a matter if he wanted her to do it. 

She repeated in this fashion several times to no avail. He couldn't commit. He was serious about this hot stone therapy business and besides, this girl wasn't the least bit attractive. Eventually, the hot stones came in a pot of boiling water. She put them on his back and some rolled onto the floor. It seemed this might have been the first time they had been put to use. Either that, or they found the closest things they could find resembling the stones in the picture, but they weren't flat enough to stay put on his back. They were hot and felt good, but their warmth wore off quickly. 

She removed the stones. The girl told him to turn over and lie on his back. It hurt to do so and she seemed to realize for the first time that he actually did have a problem. At this point, the other masseuse and her client had left the room. She began to oil and massage Jim's arms, hands and fingers. He now saw clearly what had been massaging him. It was better if he closed his eyes. She came close and motioned to the bed behind the curtains. With her eyebrows rising she whispered Fully nude sex. Only 1,500 rupees.

Jim shuddered a little at the possibility. There was a sense of urgency in her offer. No, thanks. He could only politely decline, but he also couldn't help wonder if he would have replied the same if a slimmer, more attractive masseuse was standing over him. Fully nude sex. Ok, 1,000 rupees for you, as she motioned again to the back bed. Good. Good. The way her eyes opened when she said that disturbed him. Jim wasn't slightly aroused, even if he had been tied to the table and she tried to rape him, it would have been mission impossible, as long as his eyes were open. 

She stopped pestering him eventually knowing he had in fact just come for the hot stone therapy. She carried out the occasional conversation with the girl with the glass eyeball presumably to translate something he had said. I like it, but I don't need it. This had confused her, but after a quick conversation in Nepali, she got it. She finished up the massage and left Jim to change, presumably a bit disappointed not to be receiving a higher day's wage. Jim was ready to get the fuck out of there.

His back did feel better, but it wasn't an amazing experience and certainly not what he expected. He left a little disappointed too because he assumed he didn't get the maximum benefit from the hot stones. Oh well, he thought, it's all an experience, but next time he'd find the real deal. Always interested to see where things lead, he laughed at the experience as he exited the tea shop and now chuckles to himself every time he sees Ayurvedic Massage. Yes indeed, ayurvedic vaginal massage.

Halloween in Kathmandu

My second night at the Hotel Elite in Kathmandu is coming to a close. If this hotel was ever elite, there probably wasn't much competition. It has seen better days, but the people downstairs are nice. I'll give them that. My room is damp and leaves me feeling chilled. The bathroom floor is constantly wet as is the floor immediately outside the bathroom. I sink into the mattress. The glass tabletop is cracked. I noticed all of these things upon arrival, but after a nine hour journey and not knowing what the next hotel was going to be like, I took it.

I think I'm checking out tomorrow. I gave them two nights, to be nice. Actually, I just couldn't bear the thought of packing up and moving so soon. So here I am again, listening to the noise downstairs and wondering if I'm going to have to use the fan just to block it out. It's cold already, I certainly don't want to be colder. I'm wearing my jeans for the first time in at least a couple weeks and my secondhand long sleeve thermal top I purchased in Cambodia for a buck, for the second time in as many nights. Good buy.

I'm staying in Thamel - the primary tourist ghetto in Kathmandu and the place Binod, the proprietor of a small liquor shop in Butwal, told me specifically not to stay. It was too easy, that's all I have to say. I can do practically everything I need to do, from buying trekking gear to doing my laundry on the same street. Besides, I do want to meet other travelers despite not having said a word to another tourist since I arrived. I have, however, spoken to various merchants about gear, tours, laundry, sim cards and various other people trying to sell me something or get me into their shop. No thanks, just looking!

This morning while looking for yogurt, I met a local shop owner  who ended up taking me on a walk to Swayambhu, also known as the Monkey Temple, one of the oldest religious sites in Nepal. Not being much of a temple man myself, I have to admit this one was pretty special. Beautiful views over the Kathmandu valley after a long walk up the "ladder" to the stupa. My new friend had said ladder when in fact he meant stairs. And all this time I thought I had a completely vertical climb ahead of me. We took it all in, caught our breath and went back to his place for some Tang before he took me back to Thamel on the back of his motorcycle. I want one too.

I haven't been eating much lately. The thought of Indian or Nepali food makes my stomach rumble. Seriously. And the smell, however delightful, makes me nauseous. There really hasn't been a ton of options until I arrived last night. And the chow mein last night didn't really hit the spot. So I started today off right, with some yogurt, fresh papaya and a small candy bar. A little later in the afternoon, I had some cookies, another candy bar and some chocolate. And for dinner? You guessed it, some more cookies and another candy bar. Feels like Halloween.

A bit much I have to admit, but at least none of it made me queasy. There isn't much fiber in cookies and candy bars and in my current state, I think that's a good thing. I'm looking a little thin in the face and could use the extra calories. I haven't had a beer in a dozen nights, just one since I arrived in India and lately haven't even had the desire. Might actually meet people if I indulged a little, but the stomach issues, queasiness and five days on antibiotics quenched any desire.

Anyway, feeling a bit psyched about the offerings in Nepal provided my recently acquired back pain dissipates in the very immediate future. Aside from trekking the Annapurna Circuit, taking part in a 10-day meditation course and just being here, there is also the option to see Tibet! So, I may not see India again, as originally planned, but not sad in the least to say it. We'll see, as plans never fully materialize in the way I hope, but for now, I can sleep excited and ready for tomorrow. Back pain, go away. Thank you.

Butwal, Nepal

I was supposed to wake up this morning in Kathmandu and take a taxi to the Kopan Monastery out in the valley where I was to begin a 10-day meditation course. I was excited to finally be doing this as I've been talking about it for some time, but perhaps too afraid to actually do it. I still don't know if I am capable of doing it without breaking down in the process. However, as my bus crashed on the way to Kathmandu yesterday morning it seems as if it just wasn't meant to be. This is the third time I've tried and failed to attend a meditation course. There will be more opportunities.

Instead, here I am in Butwal, in southern Nepal. There is actually a Wiki page for Butwal! Wow. I'm growing fond of this place Pronouced boot vahl and not butt wall this is probably why I couldn't understand anyone when I asked them where I was. If the time is 10pm in Vietnam, it is 8:30pm in India and 8:45pm in Nepal. Did you know that? Time zones are interesting.

Advertisement for Krazy Cheese Balls. Go Get the Balls... 

I have walked around a little. Near the government hospital down the road, there are many vendors selling either grapes, pomegranates, oranges, slices of coconut, slices of salted cucumber, watermelon  or bags of peanuts. The road near the hospital leads up into the town and splits in two. There are mountains around although I don't think we're at a very high elevation. There are many shops selling snacks, electronics, clothing, shoes or backpacks. It's a decent place.

Lot of rickshaws in Butwal.

The air seems a bit polluted, but it might be dust. There was a big dust storm yesterday that preceded the rain. In general, the vibe here is good. People have been friendly. I say hi and I get a hi back. I smile, they smile most of the time. It's nice. Although I've been alone I haven't felt lonely because it's easy to talk to the people, especially this guy and his sisters at their little tea shop near the hotel. A former cook who worked in Dubai, he has whipped up some delicious aloo paratha and aloo gobi masala. And the chai goes well with the conversation.

Watch out for cows.

Butwal actually reminds me of some of my favorite places, which are typically smaller cities more in touch with nature. Usually near mountains and have various hill tribes or ethnic minorities living in them. I don't know why, but I just feel good in these places, my heart feels ahhhhhhh. Sapa in northern Vietnam is one of those places. Driving through the mountains in northern Laos, I get the same sensation. And in a small village near Inle Lake in Myanmar, I also had this feeling. I could live here. And then, but what the fuck would I do? And I move on...

The main road going up the right side of town.

Nepali bus crash

Accidents happen. We've all seen mangled cars and or overturned buses along the highway and thought I wonder if anybody died? or Thank fuck that wasn't me! In Asia, it's amazing these kinds of accidents don't happen more often the way these guys drive. Not that Asians are bad drivers, it's just a different style with the single goal of overtaking every vehicle on the way to your destination even if it means narrowly avoiding a collision every few minutes. I'll admit it, driving behind others is akin to waiting and I'm an impatient person. But I hate to be rushed too so if someone's on my ass, I'll happily let them take the lead as long as they don't slow down once in front of me.

Anyway, yesterday, I woke up in Nepal. Yessss, Nepal! Breath of fresh air. I walked back to Indian immigration, got my exit stamp and proceeded to the Nepali post, filled out the paperwork, provided the picture, paid the money and got the visa pasted in my passport. It was early and things were running smoothly. I went back to my hotel, packed my bags and found a bus headed to Kathmandu. There were three foreigners on this bus, a couple from Spain and myself. I found a seat behind the driver with a place for my luggage in front of me. This old bus was a dream compared to the piece of shit I took to the border the previous day.

Eventually, after numerous stops, including one in Lumbini, the birthplace of Buddha, we were full and ready to go. I was drinking my water bottle filled with oral rehydration salts to prevent further anal leakage and playing with my iPod, which was on the verge of a dead battery. I decided to keep those ten minutes of playing time until later, when I could really use them. I couldn't see out of the front window as there were about four passengers sitting on this square 'bench' next to the driver, who was sitting on the right, as you do in Nepal.

We were moving right along when the driver braked suddenly. Everyone lunged forward, the front windshield's blue glass shattered inward, the bus veered right and rolled. As it does, everything happened so quickly and suddenly I found myself instinctively trying to brace myself, hold my head, whatever I could do and hope for the best. We came to a stop, upside down, people were all over the place, crying, moaning and diesel was pouring on my head from the tank, which was now over our heads. Apparently, the tank ruptured.

The accident.

I was fortunately still mobile, yes! I quickly got out to assess the situation and went back inside to just give a hand to help pull out a couple equally mobile, but stunned passengers. Everyone got out as far as I could tell. Meanwhile, the diesel continued to pour out on my luggage. One guy had a mangled foot. It looked repairable, but I was glad it wasn't me. He kept calling out Ambulance! Ambulance! Others were in shock, as was I and trying to figure out what the hell just happened.

The onlookers.

I had some blood on my hand and my shorts and wondered where it came from. A quick assessment of my body and I realized I had a cut on my head, but it didn't hurt and wasn't bleeding profusely. I went back in to take out my bags as other people were doing or had already done. At this point, traffic was now stopping in either direction and people were beginning to gawk as they do and get out to look and take pictures. The police came, eventually an ambulance and rickshaws peddling Buddha statues were also in attendance.

At the hospital.

There was only one fatality as far as I could tell - the man lying face down in a pool of blood. I initially thought he was on the bus, but later realized he was the bicyclist that apparently "caused" the accident or at least was the reason the bus driver slammed on the brakes. I'll probably never know. Poor guy. Somebody draped some clothing over his head even though there were still disrespectful onlookers taking pictures of his face, still partially visible, with their mobile phones.

Eventually, I was taken by pick-up to the government hospital in Butwal. The people were extremely friendly and we all got serviced one by one. My cut wasn't urgent so in time I was on the table getting jabbed in the buttocks with a sea of onlookers giggling at the whiteness of my cheeks. Then I got a tetanus shot in the arm. A nurse shaved a small patch around the cut and proceeded to stitch it up. Apparently there were four stitches. Then they put some iodine on some gauze and wrapped up my head to make it look far more serious than it really was.

No skull fracture.

The emergency rooms were in rather close proximity to the bathrooms, which reeked pretty badly. Can only make you wonder how sanitary the place is when you smell stale piss in the hallway. But despite that, we were well taken care of and they did everything they could. I had two skull x-rays to rule out a fracture. Our doctor was 23 years old and as I didn't need a heart transplant, I felt pretty comfortable in his hands. We were invited into the doctor's room for a chat over some chai before I left to find a hotel.

The iodine and head dressing that made me look lobotomized. 

The wee wound. Getting a new head dressing a day after.

I checked into the rather-pricey-for-Nepal Sindoor Hotel, a few minutes walk from the hospital. The doctor recommended it. At 1200 Nepali rupees (US$15) it was a bit steep, but after checking out the other two dives in the immediate vicinity, I considered it a bargain. Wifi, hot shower, clean room, it's a deal. I was the first foreigner to check-in since 17 March. I feel honored. Anyway, I'm still here in in Room 204 lounging on the bed after trying to scrub the diesel out of my bags. One more night and I'll be back on the road to Kathmandu tomorrow morning, fingers crossed.

The hotel was apparently built with the Nepalese in mind.

The town of Butwal, Nepal.

The nightmare is over

Tip: Don’t believe everything you read

The nightmare that was India is over, but I’ll probably give it a second go after Nepal. I still want to see a few places if my sanity allows. For now, I happily reside in a Nepalese Hotel just over the border even though I haven’t officially passed through immigration. I almost feel at home. I can seriously sense the vibe is way different already after limited interactions with the hotel staff and at a local shop. If that’s the case, I might just stay here til the end. What’s the point in torturing myself just so I can say I’ve had ‘the India experience’?

The 8 hour advertised bus ride from Varanasi to Sonauli turned out to be 13. I don’t know why I always believe what I hear and read. But I read it on the Internet! I was stricken with diarrhea this morning and tried to empty the contents of my colon before any attempt at catching a bus let alone putting on underwear.  I got to the bus station at 10, a couple hours behind my intended schedule, and we departed about half past. It was a cheap ride, approximately $4 to get to the border, but we clanked and rattled all the way there.

I could not have made more noise with a sledge hammer and a pile of corrugated sheet metal. It was truly un-fucking-bearable not that any of the locals seemed to have a problem with it. I used to wonder why I ever bought an iPod because I hardly ever used it. Now I know. It was a lifesaver as it made an insane ride into just an arduous journey. It was akin to being on the worst rollercoaster you’ve ever been on. Not enough to make you throw up, but toss you around a bit and make you want off not long after you got on. It was also extremely dusty. You should see my clothes. I doubt if those stains are coming out.

Anyway, we made it, that’s the main thing. And I didn’t squirt my pants. That would have been embarrassing and I know the driver wouldn’t have stopped. He would have just kicked me off the bus. I drank 2 liters of water on the journey, one filled with oral rehydration salts and one filled with Gatorade mix. I ate 3 bananas and let me tell you I hate bananas! I remember them being good when you have the runs. I also drank a Sprite and swallowed some green pearls – some natural medicine for diarrhea relief. They seemed to have helped except I was burping the minty oils for the duration. Or maybe it was the Tartrazine Yellow or the Brilliant Blue.

I've got a sore on the roof of my mouth. I knew I shouldn’t have turned off the lights prior to going down on that girl in Kolkata’s red light district. I usually like to see what I’m doing. A moment of weakness. I also have a canker sore...joy. To the world. And scratches on my calf and back from where the rickshaw crashed into me last night. My calf still feels raw as if it’s in the process of being infected. I was wondering if I should apply some iodine last night as I lied there paralyzed with exhaustion. I probably have numerous fungal infections that have yet to manifest. Waiting patiently.

I really hate to talk shit about India. I was really looking forward to finally getting a chance to see this country. And now, just after ten days, I am running away. People say ‘follow your heart’ and well my heart is saying get the fuck outta here! It’s an amazing sensory experience, I’ll give it that and that is in part what I expected. The stankiest stenches followed by amazing aromas. And it’s incredibly noisy. I thought Vietnam would have prepared me for this, but the horns are just louder here. Every motherfucker on a motorcycle or auto rickshaw driver is beeping the shit out of his horn and that is jarring to my sensibilities. I should have worn cotton in my ears as I’m an overly noise sensitive individual.

India is also extremely hot, at least right now. And dry. And full of dudes. And when and if you see a lady she usually has an inner tube hanging out of her sari. Not attractive. I’d say 9 out of 10 people are men, but occasionally there are more ladies present, say watching the people enter a temple or seeing kids walk home from school. But I can’t remember one time, one single time, when I heard an Indian woman’s voice. A child’s morning hello, the hotel owner’s mom’s feeble mumbles and a few street beggars moaning for change yes, but that’s it and that’s weird.

INDIA. I'm Never Doing It Again. I definitely didn't make that up, but I'd agree! I’ll leave it to the Hindus, the hippies and the homeless. The food is great I’ll say that again and again, but one bout with diarrhea will put you off from eating it right away because hey, it kinda looks like diarrhea. And you don’t want to think about that dal fry coming out the same way it went in. My stomach is a little queasy just thinking about it. I think I’ll stick to the processed cookies. At least there shouldn’t be feces in that, but in India, I think feces is in the air, which means you're shit out of luck.