A little more about me

This is more or less my meditation. Throwing words on 'paper' makes me feel better. Processing shit and getting it out, makes me feel more at peace, slows me down. And I've been anxious lately to write more, but haven't known what to write about. About going slowly insane? I'm still in my hotel now at nearly 12:30pm downloading club music so I can be there without actually being there and spending the cash. I'll just get some cheapies at 7/11 and drink 'em in my hotel tonight dancing in front of the mirror.

Nah, I need a night off alcohol. And red bull. I think being tired is a sign you should sleep not imbibe liquid crack so you can drink some more beer. I just don't want to sleep that much I guess, not when there's no work to get up for in the morning. But these wrinkles under my eyes are making me feel old. I don't like that. Where's the collagen?

Oh, I'm an extremely irritable person. Wish I could change that. Fortunately, most of the time, I know when I need to take a timeout and go sit in the corner. But it's so antisocial! Yes, indeed. But I need those quiet moments to myself. For what exactly, I couldn't tell you, but if I don't get them, the anxiety builds. A friend of mine nailed it on the head. I am the same as you. Love people but just want them to fuck off after a few minutes. So brutally honest, but so true. Which makes it hard sometimes...

Some people ask me why I travel alone. Who can travel for such great lengths? And who wants the same traveling partner for so long? You've got to go out and do your own shit and then come back and share stories. Or hang together, separate for a while and then come back together. Again, my friend nailed it on the head. Doing what you're doing with another bro might not end well and doing it with a chick would lead to a random death in a random country hahaha.

I need to breathe. Bangkok is overwhelming. I don't want to go dance with the foot traffic. Step on somebody's heels waiting for my moment to overtake them. And on weekends or during rush hour, it's a completely different story. I think I'd have to live in the 'burbs. Soon enough, I'll have to venture outside, inhale the fumes and find a place to sit down. Just watch and observe. I'm too tired and don't feel like getting all sweaty. Well, not in that way. Don't mind getting sweaty in my room.

I think the problem with Bangkok is its immensity. I feel so small, incredibly microscopic. I don't like that. I'm nobody. At least in Saigon, you have a false sense of being someone. And my ego likes that. But I don't like the stares, like I'm an animal in the zoo. Look, it's an albino monkey! In Thailand, there are so many albino monkeys running around they don't put them in the zoo.

I also feel a bit claustrophobic here. It takes forever to get anywhere except at night when the streets are reasonably deserted. But any other time and it feels like you are wasting half your day just getting to your destination. That can be frustrating, for sure. And there is a constant buzz in the air, which is also in my head. It's both good and bad, but I feel like the end of the world is close at hand. And I don't want to be in a big city when it all comes down.

I need some dental floss. Got some mango stuck up in there. Puts me off from eating it for a week. I also need a haircut. Just looking dirty, but I swear I'm clean, sort of. Most of my clothes are, my hair probably isn't. Hat day. I think I also need a massage. What else to do on my last day in Bangkok? And I need some rice. Not a day goes by without my rice. And some Thai-iced tea please. With small cubes of ice. I like to chew on ice, especially in third world countries. 

Ok, it's time to go. I'm feeling pretty centered now. As enlightened as I can be. Now I'm going to go drink some coffee and fuck it all up.