Budget accommodation

What does budget accommodation mean to me? Affordable. No stars. No frills. Hopefully no bed bugs, but no guarantees. Usually a couple chairs outside to make it appear to be some relaxing bungalow. Perhaps some low-class noisy motherfucking neighbors, but also perhaps some cool-as-fuck, like-minded individuals who are also budgeting their holiday.

Budget accommodation might mean a towel and it might not. Often it’s threadbare. Occasionally it comes with stink included. Sometimes there is soap, sometimes there isn’t. Don’t count on it. And don’t count on any toilet paper either. Almost always a cold shower, sometimes a broken toilet seat, usually a leaky sink. Sometimes no sink!

No bathroom mat, more likely a folded towel. And some nasty bathroom odors that weren’t caused by your own gastrointestinal distress. I swear my shit doesn’t smell like that! Budget accommodation usually comes with one light bulb in the ceiling. It’s light enough, but not enough to see that zit on the side of your face. Just as well.

It also means you probably only have one electrical outlet in your room. And a bathroom door that doesn’t close. And perhaps a rat in the walls, a spider in the corner and some ants that have permanently nested in the rotting walls. But not always. There are nice surprises! Don’t forget the curtain. There’s always a ratty looking curtain that doesn’t close properly, but closes all the same. And the color of that curtain, say no more.

There is furniture, but its spartan. Usually a side table or a desk and maybe a chair, nothing fancy. And the bed, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. I’ve had my shares of lumps, springs and stains. The sheets are also highly questionable. Were they recently washed or not? I usually gauge by the smell test. The sheet and/or blankets are probably the least washed and apt to be the smelliest items, which you just have to overlook. Don’t pull them up to your nose!

What have I forgotten? Ah, sometimes you actually get free breakfast. Coffee or tea and usually a pancake. Simple but sufficient. Occasionally a small plate of fruit. Bananas, watermelon and pineapple or the cheapest fruits wherever you are. Who wants a buffet for breakfast anyway? Not me. I rarely eat the pancake, never if comes with banana.

I forgot the fan. If you have air-con you’re spending a little more. And not on a tight budget. Occasionally I’ll splurge, but usually I don’t need it. An overhead fan is the most desirable, but you have to check if it squeaks. They work the best, in my experience, to drown out the noisy fuckers who sleep late or inconsiderately chat outside until the wee hours of the morning.

If you’re lucky you get a key to the door. More often than not, it seems, you have to struggle with the lock. Or have a loose door handle. If you really have a shithole, you’ll have a padlock on the door. I hate that. And for windows, you might not have glass, maybe just a mesh screen, which is nice to prevent mosquitoes and keep the air fresh, but makes things potentially noisier than they need to be.

What have I missed? What does budget accommodation mean to you? And where do you sleep when you go on holiday? I think I might upgrade to 1-star tonight. I’m feeling the need for a fresh towel, some wifi and a hot shower.  Every once in a while…