Paradise?

What a ballache to get here. I left Yogyakarta and some decent people behind because it was time to go. I didn’t want to evade that local dude anymore nor did I want to buy any batik so it was time for another experience. Mistakenly, I chose Solo for a night and then well, I had to stay in Jepara the next. All in the name of catching the ferry on Wednesday morning for paradise.

I took the KMP Muria, the slow ferry, to Karimunjawa this morning. It took six hours and there was no alternative, at least not during the week. Fortunately, I chose the Eksekutif class ticket with the air-con and reclining seats otherwise I’d be bitching a lot more right now. The standard seats looked ok for a 30 minute ferry ride, but much more than that would have been unbearable. After we started out, the motion of the ocean really started to turn my stomach and there was nothing to do, but lie back, listen to music to drown out the Indonesian karaoke and try to hold down my breakfast. I was not feeling it.

We arrived at 3pm and I got my bearings at the one-man information kiosk. Alex drew me a basic map of town with plenty of homestay options scattered around. Town wasn’t very far away so I walked to take a look. In doing so, I passed two friendly Indonesian backpackers from East Java, which helped eased the initial regret I had in coming here. There were only three Westerners on the ferry and I was not sad to see them go in another direction. They seemed a bit dull and depressing. Lol, I wonder what people think about me.

I walked around for too long. Nothing seemed that great.  A homestay sounds nice until you find yourself all alone in a room with just a bed, a shared squat toilet, the kitchen outside your room and the sitting room just outside the window. Not to mention chickens outside and mosquitoes awaiting your arrival. Fuck this, I’m way too old for this shit, I thought as I checked out the third and last homestay and went back to the main road looking for an inn or a hotel.

I went back to the place that had initially caught my eye on my earlier walk through town. The colors and vibe felt right even if there were no other guests. There was a sitting area outside, a bathroom inside and a big clean bed and nice guy running the place. We chatted for a while in basic English and a wee bit of Indonesian and then his son came home. And surprise, it was Alex from the information kiosk.

That was nice cause I was able to get a better understanding of what there was to do here. There doesn’t seem like much to be honest. And here I am until Saturday night at the earliest, Sunday afternoon at the latest because the ferries don’t run every day. I could leave tomorrow, but that wouldn’t be giving paradise a chance. So a three-night minimum stay and basically a week out of my trip just to come in this direction! This had better be the most orgasmic snorkeling I’ve ever experienced.

So it remains to be seen what I will be doing for three full days without wifi. It’ll probably be good for me, I’ll admit that, but right now, I am not feeling it. Not at all. I can’t italicize that enough. I think the idea of being on a beautiful island, snorkeling by day and star-gazing by night used to have some appeal, but not now and especially not being alone. My idea of paradise is a quiet room with wifi, a soft towel that doesn’t smell and perhaps easy access to good food, both street food and local snacks from the minimart. Not going to someone’s house, aka the local market, for overpriced melted snacks or the local restaurant, a tent at the edge of a field, with food that’s been sitting there all day. Nor do I want the power supplied by a generator and have it go off multiple times during the night. Paradise? To each their own. I need some whiskey.

I hate this feeling. This hatred. This feeling of needing something that somehow I haven’t figured out to provide for myself. This unwillingness to even look within and try to find it. I’m here now and I don’t know how to enjoy myself. Yes, the universe is an amazing place and things happen and lessons are learned. Maybe I will go find something to eat and in the process meet someone who will accompany on tomorrow’s journey. Or maybe I will go out and get run over and spend the rest of my holiday in the hospital. I’m not that pessimistic, I just know that anything can happen and you never know what will happen. I guess that’s the beauty in life. Having said that, I’m going to go see what’s out there.

Back to my room at ten to ten and this place is dead. Just as well if I’m getting up early. My room smells like toxic mosquito repellent, which is what I sprayed before I left. I hate that stuff, but I hate even more not being able to sleep because of a rogue mosquito. But this stuff I sprayed came out of a canister more suitable for spraying on crops if that could actually be considered suitable. At least more appropriate for outside use. I have a headache, perhaps from thinking about it, but I’m pretty sure cause it’s swelling my brain.

Well, at least I ate some decent food. Wasn’t even hungry, but what do you do when you’re in a new place with nothing to do at dinner time? I eat. The people are really nice here at least. Typical of Indonesia I think. I feel a little uncomfortable being alone around a big group of people, but they try and I try as well and I also try not to care. The food was good, but at the same time that’s not why I came here. It’s almost like I’m expecting something magical and I’m pretty sure that ain’t gonna happen. It’s like I want to be disappointed. I need to accept what is and enjoy this moment. Unfortunately, I can’t.

Nobody had any whiskey. Dilarang one woman said. I think it means forbidden or not allowed. I asked somebody else and he said that wasn’t the case. I think it’s just up to the person. But the guy who showed me the vodka earlier, seemed to have to get it from a hiding place under the counter. And the special Indonesian wine was also handled in a similar fashion.  Ah well, I didn’t need anything in the end. Prefer not to drink, but sometimes I feel the need for a diversion. An easy way out. I’m tired. It’s 10pm, I’ve done nothing today except sleep and think too much and put far too much energy into something I can’t change. Still unsure where I am exactly, time will tell. Next time, I think, I’ll have to see how long it takes to paradise before I decide to go there.