Owwww

Is it possible to break your ass? Because I think mine might be broken. Or badly bruised. It happened suddenly while romantically tubing down the Nam Song river in Vang Vieng, Laos. An iceberg taking down the Titanic, if you will. One second I was enjoying the late afternoon float conversing with a beautiful woman - a beer in one hand and the other in the water directing my course - and the next second my ass smashed into a hidden rock. I yelped out in pain, the beer flew out of my hand and the serenity of that moment was lost forever.

We had left all the lunatics behind. Most of the madness was still upriver, still imbibing free shots of mind-tingling Lao-Lao or some ludicrously cheap bucket of booze. It was nice to be beyond that with only a good buzz and good company. We were on a lovely river meandering through this valley surrounded by limestone karsts on either side and then my ass and my ability to enjoy the moment were both wrecked.

I thought it would be fine in a few days, but I was mistaken. The next day I rented a motorbike and thoroughly explored the surrounding area and the caves, lagoons, waterfalls and scenery it had to offer. It was great, except that most of it was off of paved roads and over pot-holed and therefore bumpy, gravel roads – not the best when you’re trying to recover from a bruised bum.

That evening, clearly not thinking straight, I signed up for a kayaking tour the following day. Although I didn’t end up sitting directly on the afflicted spot, I did manage to use muscles I apparently hadn't used in ages, which increased the overall pain in my body. Now it wasn’t just my ass, but my groin, lower back and arms, which only made me more irritable. No surprise really, it doesn't take much to do that.

The next day was a rest day - aside from the four hour bus journey from Vang Vieng to the capital city of Vientiane. And the next day as well, just swimming and a massage prior to the overnight sleepless bus journey to the south of Laos. And now, nearly a week after the incident and three non-ass-straining days, my ass still feels about the same as when it first happened.

We did nothing on the first day in the southern Laos town of Paxse - just chilled. However the following day we rented motorbikes and toured the surrounding area and ended up going about 180 kilometers in total. That didn’t help my situation. And the day after that, we traveled another 90 kilometers touring another area. Important trips to be sure, but unfortunately done with a bum bum.

And then an eight hour bus journey into Cambodia the following day. A ten hour journey to Siem Reap the day after and just relaxing for three days after that. So let’s see, that’s about two weeks after the butt-busting and I still can’t sit comfortably without feeling like maybe somewhere along the line somebody took advantage of me. A ten hour bus journey awaits for me tomorrow mornng - might just have this feeling for a little while longer.