Today, I feel good. Well actually, this morning I felt like an enormous pile of shit, but I'm better now. Revived. Like a dry sponge that has been left under a leaky faucet. It couldn't get any worse than I was a couple of days ago. That all started with a cup of coffee...
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I really need to eliminate coffee from my diet. It affects me like nothing else, brings me up momentarily and throws me back down. The tension in my shoulders from the coffee makes me incredibly irritable and causes me to reach out for an alcoholic beverage in the evening to level me out. Balance an upper with a downer.
Fortunately, I'm not an every day coffee drinker. No way. Can't do it. But occasionally I get the urge, the desire to get wacky and so I do. And then I regret it. Not always, but a significant portion of the time. Usually, I get a coffee because I like the smell. I enjoy the ritual. And because it's the cheapest thing on the menu. If they had a carrot juice on the menu for the same price, I'd get that, for sure.
Anyway, a couple of days ago, I was indecent. I wasn't exposing myself, but I was highly agitated, which began with the coffee and was elevated by various other factors. I told myself No more coffee! And then today, at the coffee shop, what did I order? Well, what are you supposed to order at a coffee shop? Just a buck, the cheapest thing on the menu by far. A dollar! I feel this obligation to order something to drink even if I'm not thirsty. I should probably order the coffee and just let it sit there. But I have issues with self control and I don't like to waste things so that is next to impossible.
I did only drink half the cup, which is a positive step in the right direction. And therefore, I never really got out of control today and needed that beer. That is another step I need to make. Eliminating alcohol. Perhaps not completely, but we'll see about that. For one, I doubt I can do it and two, it's such a social pastime that I don't want to ostracize myself from friends who do partake. And well, three, I do enjoy a cold one on occasion. So yeah, it's not like I feel peer pressured into drinking.
I remember back in high school or perhaps it was college (this is all blurry to me now) that I wished there were social activities that people regularly partook in that did not involve alcohol. Of course, there are, but as we get older there seem to be fewer and fewer. I can only drink so much 7up or water, but somehow beer slides easily down the gullet. I'm going to spend more nights in watching movies, "playing" Facebook, writing and learning how to play the guitar.
That last one is a maybe. I can't tune a guitar to save my life, but I just bought a tuner so maybe things will change. I've already broken three strings and counting. I've "tuned" it as best I can according to various Youtube videos, but it still sounds like shit. I blame the fact it was made in Cambodia. Probably a wee factor, but I know it's me. I can be honest. However, I'd still like to hear someone who is good, play this guitar. Just to ensure it's playability.
Anyway, I've gotten off track. This post was about feeling good. Yes, I was feeling insanely weak this morning, but I went to the gym anyway. Mistake. I bumbled through my routine quickly and left the building. And then I got pulled over by a cop who noticed my Vietnam plates, while I was stuck in traffic. C'mon! So, I reluctantly got off my bike and responded Huh? every time the cop said what was wrong. I was practically shaking with agitation because a) I don't really like confrontation and b) I had yet to eat this morning. After feigning ignorance and offering up plenty of irritation I just turned around, hopped on my bike and took off. They didn't follow. I'm lucky if I don't get a baton to the side of the head one of these days.
So, I was lucky. And then I went to Lucky supermarket to procure some foodstuffs I was most definitely lacking. Food was already starting to put me into a better mood even though I was edgy as fuck as I entered the market after "escaping" the police. I need to eat more regularly. Prevent those dips in blood sugar. It all got better from there from the basil permeating my refrigerator to listening to Foster the People and new old Ryan Adams. I need to buy basil more regularly. Even if I don't eat it, the smell is uplifting.
I have a kitchen now. I don't particularly like to cook anymore because that entails cleaning up. And that sucks. Fortunately, my kitchen is small, which limits any elaborate dinner plans I might have had. But I do have a blender and have plans to get a juicer. I need my carrot juice. That's a fact. That'll make life nearly complete. Then I'll work on finding a job and maybe a girlfriend. Get the essentials in order.
I also have my glucosamine + chondroitin, which is making my shoulders feel better and just purchased some B-complex, for whatever reason. I feel like popping pills I guess. And I also have some spirulina, which tastes like ass, but I take it nonetheless. It actually tastes like hay, which is what donkeys eat, so does that make me the ass?
Long story short, life is good...today. Day by day. It was nearly fantastic as the sky increasingly looked like it was going to rain. I got into my running gear and hoped the rain would fall as I went round the park near Independence Monument, but alas, it did not. Instead, I just kept hoping in vain and got some exercise. And then went home to make dinner, something I will not do tomorrow. I might be able to make some oatmeal, but cooking takes time. Time away from actually eating and watching movies, writing and reading status updates.
My eyes are closing. My bed is beckoning. My teeth are eager to be brushed and I'm ready to get off my haunches. To stand up, brush, pee and wash my face. The evening routine. I bet you're glad I'm sharing these pertinent details. Close the laptop and stare at something else besides a monitor before bed. The wall is perfect. There is nothing else. Time to stop, time to stare. Time to dream.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, I really need to eliminate coffee from my diet. It affects me like nothing else, brings me up momentarily and throws me back down. The tension in my shoulders from the coffee makes me incredibly irritable and causes me to reach out for an alcoholic beverage in the evening to level me out. Balance an upper with a downer.
Fortunately, I'm not an every day coffee drinker. No way. Can't do it. But occasionally I get the urge, the desire to get wacky and so I do. And then I regret it. Not always, but a significant portion of the time. Usually, I get a coffee because I like the smell. I enjoy the ritual. And because it's the cheapest thing on the menu. If they had a carrot juice on the menu for the same price, I'd get that, for sure.
Anyway, a couple of days ago, I was indecent. I wasn't exposing myself, but I was highly agitated, which began with the coffee and was elevated by various other factors. I told myself No more coffee! And then today, at the coffee shop, what did I order? Well, what are you supposed to order at a coffee shop? Just a buck, the cheapest thing on the menu by far. A dollar! I feel this obligation to order something to drink even if I'm not thirsty. I should probably order the coffee and just let it sit there. But I have issues with self control and I don't like to waste things so that is next to impossible.
I did only drink half the cup, which is a positive step in the right direction. And therefore, I never really got out of control today and needed that beer. That is another step I need to make. Eliminating alcohol. Perhaps not completely, but we'll see about that. For one, I doubt I can do it and two, it's such a social pastime that I don't want to ostracize myself from friends who do partake. And well, three, I do enjoy a cold one on occasion. So yeah, it's not like I feel peer pressured into drinking.
I remember back in high school or perhaps it was college (this is all blurry to me now) that I wished there were social activities that people regularly partook in that did not involve alcohol. Of course, there are, but as we get older there seem to be fewer and fewer. I can only drink so much 7up or water, but somehow beer slides easily down the gullet. I'm going to spend more nights in watching movies, "playing" Facebook, writing and learning how to play the guitar.
That last one is a maybe. I can't tune a guitar to save my life, but I just bought a tuner so maybe things will change. I've already broken three strings and counting. I've "tuned" it as best I can according to various Youtube videos, but it still sounds like shit. I blame the fact it was made in Cambodia. Probably a wee factor, but I know it's me. I can be honest. However, I'd still like to hear someone who is good, play this guitar. Just to ensure it's playability.
Anyway, I've gotten off track. This post was about feeling good. Yes, I was feeling insanely weak this morning, but I went to the gym anyway. Mistake. I bumbled through my routine quickly and left the building. And then I got pulled over by a cop who noticed my Vietnam plates, while I was stuck in traffic. C'mon! So, I reluctantly got off my bike and responded Huh? every time the cop said what was wrong. I was practically shaking with agitation because a) I don't really like confrontation and b) I had yet to eat this morning. After feigning ignorance and offering up plenty of irritation I just turned around, hopped on my bike and took off. They didn't follow. I'm lucky if I don't get a baton to the side of the head one of these days.
So, I was lucky. And then I went to Lucky supermarket to procure some foodstuffs I was most definitely lacking. Food was already starting to put me into a better mood even though I was edgy as fuck as I entered the market after "escaping" the police. I need to eat more regularly. Prevent those dips in blood sugar. It all got better from there from the basil permeating my refrigerator to listening to Foster the People and new old Ryan Adams. I need to buy basil more regularly. Even if I don't eat it, the smell is uplifting.
I have a kitchen now. I don't particularly like to cook anymore because that entails cleaning up. And that sucks. Fortunately, my kitchen is small, which limits any elaborate dinner plans I might have had. But I do have a blender and have plans to get a juicer. I need my carrot juice. That's a fact. That'll make life nearly complete. Then I'll work on finding a job and maybe a girlfriend. Get the essentials in order.
I also have my glucosamine + chondroitin, which is making my shoulders feel better and just purchased some B-complex, for whatever reason. I feel like popping pills I guess. And I also have some spirulina, which tastes like ass, but I take it nonetheless. It actually tastes like hay, which is what donkeys eat, so does that make me the ass?
Long story short, life is good...today. Day by day. It was nearly fantastic as the sky increasingly looked like it was going to rain. I got into my running gear and hoped the rain would fall as I went round the park near Independence Monument, but alas, it did not. Instead, I just kept hoping in vain and got some exercise. And then went home to make dinner, something I will not do tomorrow. I might be able to make some oatmeal, but cooking takes time. Time away from actually eating and watching movies, writing and reading status updates.
My eyes are closing. My bed is beckoning. My teeth are eager to be brushed and I'm ready to get off my haunches. To stand up, brush, pee and wash my face. The evening routine. I bet you're glad I'm sharing these pertinent details. Close the laptop and stare at something else besides a monitor before bed. The wall is perfect. There is nothing else. Time to stop, time to stare. Time to dream.
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