Christmas in September

What a day. It's like Santa snuck down the chimney and flew on without me even noticing. And it's only September! Can't wait to see what the next three months have in store. I woke up a bit late this morning and eventually wandered out and found a new laundry woman. She was sweet and offered to do it for $0.75 a kilo if I brought it to her regularly. A 25% discount for being a loyal customer. Yeah, I could probably do it myself, but then I wouldn't be able to stare at walls as long as I normally do.

So, after dropping off my laundry, I went and procured a new 20 liter bottle of water. And then, as if that wasn't enough, I rode my bicycle to P'sar Leu and procured myself a few more household items. A couple of sweat rags, a towel, a laundry hamper, a pillow and a broom. Just not having dirty clothes on the floor is huge. And let me tell you, having two decent pillows is also fairly big. You have no idea.

From there, I went and found a case for my mobile phone. It almost fit perfectly and was cheaper than every other option I had seen previously. Time to throw away the baby sock! I've been using baby socks for the past five months to protect my screen and it always elicits a few chuckles on the occasion I whip it out in front of a woman. Oh my God! Put that thing away!

Feeling the snow fall around me, but still feeling the warmth from the sun above, I was feeling pretty blessed. I got a pineapple and some chili salt to feast on later. My friend and I veered right at the river and found a local joint selling spring rolls. We overindulged in both the fresh and fried variety and for a couple of bucks, felt like I was walking away from an all-you-can-eat buffet. Except that this buffet was serving up the same thing and there was no air-conditioning.

Later in the day, I picked up my passport from the travel agency that was four days late in getting it back to me. Lucky I wasn't going anywhere. Anyway, I now have a 6-month, multiple entry visa. Then I went and bought more shit. Christmas! I got some electrolytes at the pharmacy and a tub of wax earplugs. They will come in handy. I went to the second-biggest supermarket in town and there, staring me in the face, was both bran fiber and psyllium husk. Like finding a brand new shiny bicycle under the tree on Christmas morning. Perhaps the best buy of the day.

At this point, my smile was contagious. Glowing down the street, I was guided by the only ray of sunshine while everyone else was caught under storm clouds. I went to the mini-mart, bought a couple boxes of condoms because I was feeling lucky and some new hair conditioner. It never looks good to just buy condoms. Mix it up a little. Cause I wasn't done, I stopped at another mini-mart and bought a tupperware container to store my fiber and psyllium. Don't want ants in my shit!

Oh I completely forgot. I also bought one of those USB dongles so now I can mindlessly consume what Facebook has to offer from the convenience of my bedroom. I got the dongle from Smart Mobile because they offer a couple free gigs per month for the first three months. After browsing for a half hour, I can comfortably say it sucks a dick. You might be thinking, Oh it's that good? That's not what I'm saying. It's terribly slow and feels like 1999. Waiting for that porn to fully download. Now, there is no excuse. Back in the day of dial-ups, it was understandable.

Anyway, thank you Santa. Even though you can't offer me a decent internet connection, I'll forgive you. Just don't forget me come December. I'm not one to get caught up with the mindless consumption of material things, but I could use a motorcycle, some sunscreen and a job. Either that or continuous influx of funds into my checking account. See what you can do. I'm anxiously awaiting your next visit.