So here I am now at this new gym, closer to my house and cheaper too not to mention the new equipment and lack of crowds. Before noon anyway. But there are some things that are annoying at gyms. And gym etiquette is one of them. Wiping your sweat from a machine is one thing and not grunting is another, but that rarely happens here, which is nice. I'm talking about keeping your eyes to yourself and not making unnecessary conversation.
First of all, if you're in the locker room making idle chit chat, get the fuck outta there. We all know you're waiting for someone to take off their shorts so you can get an eyeful. And while we're in the locker room, those dumb asses that light up a cigarette after their workout, are you really that cool? I'm breathing that shit too, you inconsiderate fuck.
But what I really wanted to talk about was commentary on other people's bodies. It'd be one thing if a massive roided out beast said to me Hey bruh, you put a little size on and you'd be one mean looking fucker. I'd respect that enough. Thanks man, I'm over trying to look like a mean looking fucker, but I know what you're saying and I appreciate the advice. Ain't gonna happen though.
Instead I get this little dickface saying Hey man, are you trying to get bigger? No, I'm not. Well, I think if you gained some more weight you'd look better. You think? No shit, Sherlock. I'm a thin dude and in an ideal world, I'd be a few more kilograms. But this isn't an ideal world. And I don't want those few extra kilos sitting in my gut. I've finally accepted that this is my natural body shape and there isn't much I can do about it. Nothing naturally anyway. And now I gotta sit and listen to advice from an 18 year old twat?
And today, two days later, some old wrinkled nutsack strikes up a conversation and lo and behold, we're both from California! As if that in and of itself makes us friends. Nice enough guy until he rushes to my aid on my 12th rep of incline dumbbell press and acting like he saved me says Why are you lifting so heavy? I just did eleven reps you washed up wank, know what you're talking about before you open your hole.
And then he comes back to tell me I should gain weight. You're too skinny for your height. Well old man, no offense, but you're too fat for your 5 foot frame and you're not lifting heavy enough! I'm not the strongest man in the gym, but far from the weakest and here I have the weakest shit-for-brains giving me advice. I just don't understand.
I eat more, I get a fat belly. Simple as that. I work out more, I gain weight and put on mass everywhere. I don't want more weight everywhere. I don't want to buy new clothes. I work out more, my body hurts more. I know my body. You don't so zip it. Simple concept. I've learned that having an ideal body isn't sustainable. I don't want to go to the gym four times a week for the rest of my life. I want to take vacations and not do shit. Let my body go. When I come back to reality I'll get back to where I was. Or somewhere close.
So, hey, if you see me in the gym, just speak to me normally. Say what's up. But don't give me any free advice. Wipe up your sweat, don't grunt too often, share the machines, don't linger in the locker rooms, don't stare at people in the mirrors and don't tell people what they should be doing or what's best for them when you obviously haven't got a clue as to what's best for you. You don't tell a fat dude he'd look better if he was thinner do you? He knows that shit. So keep it to yourself.
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